He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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