wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
