Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We named our party play list daddy issues
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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