Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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