Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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