You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
