He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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