this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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