if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
