Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
