tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
