My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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