If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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