I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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