whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
