She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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