he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
