it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
