The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
