The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
