I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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