I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
