i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
