So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
