I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and she was petting her beer can
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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