Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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