Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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