My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
