i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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