just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
