I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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