There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
