It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
