Is it because I queefed?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
