I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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