are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
