The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
