Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
