In the future we'll all be gay
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
