im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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