Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
