hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
