I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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