so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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