I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
