Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
