Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
