I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just puked most of my soul out..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
