Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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