Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
