so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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