Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
