Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
