Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
