How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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