i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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