dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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