You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
