I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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