wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
